5 Days to Live & Die
Photo Credit: Arik Cardenas
A couple days ago I walked straight into a wall in the middle of the night as I was on my way to the bathroom (because you obviously must keep your eyes almost fully closed to contain the sleepy).
Despite barely being conscious at the time, it reminded me of a workshop I took last January called "5 Days to Live and Die." One of the exercises required us to meet at 8pm at night to walk, run, and moderately drag a blindfolded partner around in the dark.
As those who know me can imagine--not my cup of tea. Relegating control to someone I barely knew felt somewhat threatening. I wasn't actually in any danger, other than potentially stepping on a twig or walking into another blindfolded participant.
Still, it served as a clear reflection of how powerfully resistance shows up in my life. In that instance in particular, the resistance to receiving help, releasing control, trusting another, and trying not to run into things made the entire experience probably less enjoyable than it could have been.
In the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, resistance, dvesha, is listed as one of the 5 Kleshas, or causes of suffering. Other kleshas include; attraction, egoism, ignorance, and appropriately so, fear of death.
I don't think resistance is inherently bad. I see it as the protective part of me that is trying really hard to keep me safe aaand sometimes it prevents me from having meaningful experiences.
The resistance I'm referring to here shows up when I convince myself I should just stay home because I can't guarantee I'll have a good time at whatever event. It's the part that resists speaking up because I'm afraid I'll sound stupid. It's the part that keeps me so contained in a bubble of pseudo-comfort that it becomes its own sort of cage.
Now, resistance can of course be a helpful barometer for gauging comfort and safety. Like most things, however, I'd argue theres a pretty substantial spectrum. I noticed for myself that resistance usually prevented me from fully connecting with other people and often perpetuated a cycle of suffering:
I'm sad because I'm lonely --> I feel lonely so I don't want to go to things --> I don't go to things so I'm even more unhappy --> When I'm unhappy I don't want to do anything 🤯
SO, as fun as that devious cycle can be, my invitation and personal practice this month includes consciously noticing when I am recoiling. Is that intuitive insight? Social anxiety? Unsubstantiated fears? Automatic response? Could be a mix!
Ultimately, this practice of self inquiry, svadhyaya, may offer some useful insight! I hope you'll join me on this little voyage beyond comfort island toward maybe an even more enriching place. Perhaps that place is Kula, the mountains, a friends house, or a new cafe. Either way, my greatest hope is that we all move a little bit closer to peace.
👽✌🏼
As an addendum to that story; the workshop concluded with having our entire body, sans head, buried in the sand, also at 8pm at night.
